During a conversation with my dear friend, Candace, Holy Spirit said something that has really not quieted itself in my spirit since then. We were talking about that deprived mentality people (including myself) get sucked into when they begin to feel that the requirements of Holiness on their life are somehow deeper or more stringent than the requirements placed on everyone else. It’s really easy to recognize a sense of depravity or entitlement in everyone but ourselves, but I suppose that’s another blog. So in response to some comments, I said by the Spirit, “Everybody has to give everything. The requirements are the same for everyone.”

Since then, I’ve seen how that statement applies to the last eleven months of my life. I mean, it applies to the last twenty-five years, but I can identify specific application in what God has been saying to me recently. The words of Jesus come to mind:

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine.

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters– yes, even his own life– he cannot be my disciple.

What now?

So many of us, who have not (yet) been required to walk away from these key, seemingly eternal relationships at the behest of God, stumble at these words. Particularly the word “hate.” How do we simultaneously honor our fathers and mothers in order to be his disciples and hate them in order to be his disciples?

This is gonna sound weird, but I think Robert DeNiro has the answer for us. In the movie, Heat — which I am by no means recommending or endorsing, but that is neither here nor there — DeNiro plays career criminal Neil McCauley. His character’s philosophy, which is both the namesake and thing that drives the plot of the movie, is to “never let yourself get attached to something you’re not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds if you feel the heat around the corner.” In a showdown, Al Pacino, who plays law-enforcing Vincent Hanna, asks if he would really walk out on Amy Brenneman in order to save not only his life, but his lifestyle. DeNiro responds, “That’s the discipline… It’s either that, or we both better go do something else.”

Vincent Hanna: I don’t know how to do anything else.

Neil McCauley: Neither do I.

Vincent Hanna: I don’t much want to, either.

Neil McCauley: Neither do I.

If you will forgive my extreme secularization of this eternal, Biblical truth here for a second, I think we can all agree that this is the response of any heart on fire, whether it’s in regard to your librarian girlfriend, your mother or father, your career path… whatever. Anything that stands in the way of Love is subject to the rule of 30-seconds. And the thing about this rule of 30-seconds is that there isn’t enough time within the 30-seconds to make up your mind. Therefore, you’ve got to decide before you have to decide.

So, even though my mom is God-fearing, supportive of my pursuit of Holiness and an altogether awesome gal, I’ve got the same decision to make as some people I know whose mothers are wholeheartedly against their child’s decision to follow and love Jesus. As a single girl who has decided to more or less abandon the idea of a boyfriend or husband for whatever time frame my Real Love requires, be that temporary or life-long, the requirement to “hate” that relationship is the same for my friend, Candace, who is very happily-married. Struggle with that? Yeah, me too. Like I said, I’m still on the wrong side of this revelation, but the point, friends, is pretty simple when you extract it from any emotions attached. You give it up before you have it. You give it up while you’ve got it. You give it up when you’re require to give it up.

What I am learning, that I haven’t heard many people say in my life so far, is that there is a grace to live your life this way. For real. And you can believe it because I’m telling you in the middle of it, not from “the other side” where everything is flowers and rainbows. If you are brave enough, or desperate enough, or crazy (?) enough, you can ask God to divinely enable you to see just how much you can lay down.

And don’t worry, I know exactly how weird this sounds.

Everyone Gives Everything, Part Two: The What-If Factor

I guess I have that.

It’s like flashbacks to my freshman year when I dropped my government class because of this one guy who used the lecture hall as his personal, conservative soap box. I seem to be of a minority of people who can respect the fact that people aren’t paying for (or the government is not funding) a multi-thousand dollar education so that you can hear my opinions about the topic d’jour.

So if, perhaps, the lady who spent a nice chunk of the class talking about how the United States isn’t “100% capitalistic” anymore, “it’s like 50% capitalistic and 50% the other thing” is reading this blog — which is highly unlikely, because of the whole “reading” factor — please shut your hole in class and get a blog. Then you can tell the whole world your theories on capitalism and “the other thing” at no cost to me.

I don’t really care what you think about me when you read it. What I look like when I say it. How embarrassed I should be walking the streets at night, searching so desperately for him in my bathrobe, or whatever. I don’t care. I just love him.

So, if you find him…

Young women of Jerusalem, swear to me that if you find my beloved you will tell him I am hopelessly lovesick.

Song of Solomon 5:8, GOD’S Word Translation

It’s not that I don’t like the way they sound or anything like that. I’m just bothered by the fact the songs we sing would be dictated by a month or a day on the calendar. If there’s something about the worship songs that we normally do that makes them unsuitable for the season we celebrate the birth and incarnation of Jesus — or his death and resurrection, for that matter — then the songs we normally do are unsuitable for any season. And if I thought they (the songs we normally do) were unsuitable for any season, we wouldn’t be singing them. Right? Right. End soap box.

Having said that, on the way to a Christmas party this week, I was checking my Plus One (oh, yes, you read that right) Christmas CD to make sure it didn’t skip and caught myself in tears over the second and third verses of “Oh, Holy Night.” Theologically, it has been rocking my world this week.

Truly He taught us to love one another,

His law is love, and His gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother,

and in His name all oppression shall cease.

Are you kidding me with this? How did this nugget of social justice slip in, seemingly unnoticed by our largely materialistic, capitalist, Americanized form of birth o’Jesus celebrating. How do we just sing this time after time without it shaking our baby-in-a-manger Christmas worship? (I wasn’t gonna go there, but Christmas worship kinda reeks of idolatry. Moving on… that was for free.)

I’m so surprised at how a Christmas song, my serious bone of contention with the tail end of the month of December, could remind me to not throw the baby out with the bathwater during this season. Literally. The baby became a man, who while he lived, radically opposed the evil, darkness and oppression of the world. And in his death, he did more than just oppose it.

He’s not a baby in a manger any more!

 I sought the LORD, and he answered me
   and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant,
   and their faces shall never be ashamed.
 This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
   and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps
   around those who fear him, and delivers them.

Oh, taste and see thatthe LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Oh, fear the LORD, you His saints; for those who fear him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger;
   but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
What man is there who desires life
   and loves many days, that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil
   and your lips from speaking deceit.
Turn away from evil and do good;
   seek peace and pursue it.

 The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous

 and his ears toward their cry.
 The face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
   to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears
   and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
   and saves the crushed in spirit.

 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
   but the LORD delivers him out of them all.
He keeps all his bones;
    not one of them is broken.
 Affliction will slay the wicked,
   and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
The LORD redeems the life of his servants;
   none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

… but this song live made it all worth it.

They teach us about irony in this class, right?

Dear Future Child(ren),

Once upon a time, before you were born, this guy was really freaking stinking funny. I don’t know what you think of him now, but when I was a kid (just barely into double digits) your Aunt and I would stay up late just to watch his talk show in hopes that he would do a bit called “In The Year 2000″ (which, probably is even funnier in whatever year you happen to be reading this blog than it was in 1997.)

Anyway, something really horrible happened to this guy with the guitar. You’re too young to understand it now, but some day, when someone takes something from you that you’ve earned and totally deserve, I’ll tell you the story and teach you a very valuable lesson about integrity and not being a douche horrible person.

Love,

Your Mom

P.S. Please disregard the foulish language in this blog and at the tail end of this video.